


Left Unspoken

by MemoryDragon



Category: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne | Phantom-Thief Jeanne
Genre: Access gets stuck in a cookie jar, Angst, F/M, Gen, Humor, KKJ anime, KKJ manga, Mostly not, No beta reader, One-Shots, Sometimes more amusing, Sometimes too melodramatic, Vaugely connected, discussion of canon character death, old anime fic, probably terrible, so it's probably worse than most of my old anime fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-10
Updated: 2005-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemoryDragon/pseuds/MemoryDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things should be left unspoken. However, some things should never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: Angel's Tears

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes:** This never had a beta reader, so go gentle on it? Didn't know anyone who was willing to beta a KKJ fic, which was very sadness, to be honest. Still, here it is now. 
> 
> "Left Unspoken" is a series of one-shots that are only semi-related by an idea. Basically, none of the chapters have anything to do with any of the others. Also, I should mention that I am taking both from the manga of KKJ and from the anime. Each part will be clearly marked with who is narrating and which it takes from.
> 
> Some of them are humorous, some of them are angsty, and a lot are just plain depressing. I'm writing about the unspoken parts of the series, not the happy endings. Some of them aren't the best I've ever written, but I find them amusing at least. I hope you will too.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Spoilers. Lots of spoilers. You wouldn't believe how many spoilers.  
>  **Character:** Fin Fish  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, soon after Maron found out Sinbad's identity. 
> 
> **Originally Posted:** Jul. 10, 2005

Fin sat on the window sill, looking out at the city. Her Maron was in the kitchen. Fin- chan could tell by the noise. Her Maron was humming softly while cooking, probably trying to convince the little angel that she was alright.

Her Maron. What a joke.

She looked out over the lonely city. It always seemed so cold and unfeeling to her. It didn’t care about Maron or anyone else who lived in it. Certainly not about a little semi-angel who was going to... already had betrayed this lonely human girl. All for the sake of the angel next door.

Naturally, it had to be Access God sent. God would try to use their old friendship against her. To try to make her stop. Access didn’t deserve that though... She would hurt him just as much as Maron, and He knew it.

Fin-chan needs to stop being depressed! What if her Maron came in? Then what would she do?

She would cry, that's what.

Stupid Access. It’s his fault Fin-chan was feeling down. His fault Her Maron was feeling down! If he hadn’t brought that boy into this, her Maron would be happy... At least for a little while...

There she went, blaming everything on others again. It was Access’ fault. Chiaki’s fault. Everyone’s fault but Fin’s. Only, in reality it was the opposite.

Of course it was all Fin-chan’s fault. Her Maron wouldn’t be sad right now if Fin-chan had not forced her to be Kaitou Jeanne. Her Maron wouldn’t be trying her hardest not to cry right now if Fin-chan had not told her a lie about Sinbad. But if her Maron got close to Sinbad...

Her Maron wouldn’t be hers anymore.

Fin curled up, hugging her knees against her chest tightly. What right did she have to call Maron hers in the first place? None. None at all. She was the Devil’s servant and slave. She shouldn’t even get close to the saint’s reincarnation. Wasn’t even worthy to enter this house, much less claim her. Just think about it. She had the audacity to call God’s own beloved hers. What kind of angel was she anyway?

...

No wonder she had fallen. Really, what was she thinking? What was the point of devoting herself to the Devil? Access probably felt like she betrayed him. Fin-chan bet he wouldn’t even want to look at her, much less say the phrase she wanted to hear from him so much...

She was selfish. So selfish. She had really just wanted to see him once more. For that sole wish she was ruining the lives of two teenagers and another angel who probably wanted nothing more to do with her. Now she only had two plausible desires: To serve the Devil and bring him happiness.

The poor Devil. Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought of him. She felt sorry for him. To be cast aside and lonely... No one deserved that. She knew herself how that felt. She even knew that he was the reason that she felt that way. That her Maron felt that way. He lashed out at others, making them feel the same pain and suffering he did.

She pitied him and loved him. Maybe it was just a remainder of her life as an angel. She forgave him naturally and completely. Even after she found out that the Devil set up her disgrace. He was honorable. He had told her this up front. No secrets. And for that she loved him, though not like her love for Access.

More proof she didn’t belong in hell. She didn’t belong anywhere. Too pure, too pure, yet too tainted to return to heaven. She didn’t belong in either place. There was no where...

Where else could she go? Not hell. Not heaven. Not here once she revealed herself. There was no place for Fin-chan. No place at all. Maybe it would have been better off if she had just disappeared back then.

But she was too selfish to do that. She had to... Just one more time... Access...

Tears were now streaming down her face. She couldn’t stop them. She tried to. So hard. But they kept coming. Because she would never be able to tell him...

Her Maron would come in and find her soon. Fin-chan didn’t want that. Fin-chan didn’t want her Maron to comfort her. All she could offer in return was false friendship and an enemy’s comfort. She did not want to see Access again, with the love she knew would still be on his lips. She could offer him nothing more than more pain. All she could do was hate herself for it, since no one else seemed inclined to do so.

The tears would not stop...

“Fin! Fin, what’s wrong?” Her Maron had heard the angel’s weeping and self-loathing. This only furthered Fin’s guilt. She started crying harder.

Her Maron hugged the angel bewilderingly and held her until Fin could answer. What could she say though? What reason could she give for randomly breaking down? “Fin... What’s the matter? Why these tears?”

Finally, she controlled herself enough to respond to the saint. Her reply was riddled with sniffs and more tears, but she managed to get it out. “Fin-chan... It’s all Fin-chan’s fault!” Maron’s confused face only made her want to cry more.

“Maron’s hurt because of me...” It was all coming out now. She couldn’t stop it. Now she was failing and betraying the one person she had left to love, the Devil. All because she was too weak, too selfish.

The human rushed to reassure the small angel, mistaking her meaning. “My leg is fine now, remember? Good as new, see? I even got through the tournament with no pain! Just because I got hurt as Jeanne isn’t any reason to blame yourself!”

Fin-chan sniffed again, refusing to look at her Maron. “But because... Because of Fin- chan, Maron and Chiaki are enemies...”

Fin never hated herself more than when she saw the look of false understanding in the saint’s warm brown eyes. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She just cried as her Maron held her gently. She couldn’t help it. Maron was practically giving her a way out of this mess on a silver platter. And the angel would take it, of course. For the Devil’s sake. For her own.

Her tears ran out after an hour of her Maron’s caresses and kind words. As Maron dried her tears, all the angel could say was “I'm sorry...”

“It’s not your fault. Besides, I’d be so lonely without _you_ , Fin. I don't need Chiaki, but I'd be lost without you!” Her Maron gave her one more hug then smiled brilliantly. “Hey, why don’t we make it a movie night? I’ll make popcorn and we’ll watch scary movies, okay?”

Fin-chan forced a weak smile onto her tear-stained face. “Fin-chan would like that.”

The evening went as her Maron had described. They rented movies, stuffed themselves with popcorn, and held each other during the really scary parts. There were lots of parts that scared Fin-chan.

And when it was over and Fin-chan curled up next to her Maron as the saint slept, the fallen angel kissed the reincarnation of Jeanne D’Arc on the forehead. Maron barely stirred.

“I’m sorry.” Fin repeated softly, hating herself for letting some of her filth and impurity rub off on this human child. But she had to, for the Devil’s sake. For her own.

Until she could see Access and bring up the courage to tell him... Maybe then she could apologize to her Maron. Until then... Until then...

It would be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart."  
> -Saint Jerome


	2. Part Two: Moody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Mild cursing.  
>  **Character:** Chiaki Nagoya  
>  **Time Line:** Anime time line, soon after Maron rejected him on the Ferris wheel. It also has just a little bit of manga influence, having to do with the wind.

Moody. That was just what he was. That’s _all_ he was. Very moody for no real apparent reason. It certainly wasn’t as Access Time was hinting at. This was his job. His mission. He wasn’t going - wasn’t supposed to, at least - fall in love with her. It was just part of the plan to get Maron to stop being a Kaitou. That was all.

The small part of his conscience that he tried very hard to ignore was currently roaring in his ear. Yeah, so it wasn’t fair for Maron. All of her damn life wasn’t far for Maron. Why should he start something new? Besides, she would ultimately hate him in the end, regardless. What difference would it make? One broken heart instead of two, that was what!

Chiaki paced the small living room in his apartment, glad that Access had finally left him alone. Except that was the problem. Now, he was alone. He had no one to distract him from his thoughts. The only other option of conversation was by means of the balcony, and that had been effectively cut off earlier this evening. Which proved his thoughts were all leading back to one thing.

Maron.

Oh, sure. She was the first girl who ever rejected him. He could name _at least_ half a dozen girls off the top of his head who would have jumped from the summit of Tokyo Tower in order to be in her shoes. Okay, maybe that was exaggerating a little. But still. There were tons of girls who wouldn’t smack him away every time he got fresh and who would take compliments gracefully. Girls who would swoon the moment he looked their way and would love him unconditionally without any effort on his part. They wouldn’t have hated him, no matter what he did, nor would they throw a bomb at him as they closed the elevator doors (he was still rather upset over that. He really needed to stop letting her get the better of him)! Hell, he had an arranged marriage with such girl and was avoiding her like the plague.

Maybe that was the problem. He needed to be more grateful for what he had right under his nose, rather than start chasing after fireflies. Yes, there was absolutely no reason at all for him to fall in love with a girl who had no qualms about hating his guts. And if it were all that damned logical, why the hell was he so agitated?!

Her eyes. That was it. Her eyes were so damn sad all the time. He couldn’t help it when he saw her like that. Chiaki always got angry at himself because of those eyes too. ‘Cause no matter how much he tried, those sad eyes never went away. It was like he didn’t matter to her at all...

Of course he didn’t. She made that perfectly clear on the Ferris wheel. The real question was why, for goodness sake, was he worrying about all of this?

The teen stopped pacing and ran his fingers through his hair. This was getting him no where. Okay. He needed to think rationally. Rationally and clearly without those damn sad eyes clouding his vision. Sad eyes that wanted to pierce though his soul and-

 _Rationally_.

Alright. He could admit to being just a little upset about her rejection. He did have his pride after all. He had gone out of his way to try and make this girl fall in love with him and she still refused. That was it! He wasn’t in love with her at all. He just resented her for letting all of his hard work go to waste.

He stopped pacing, triumphant for a sole moment. Then Chiaki realized he hadn’t _really_ been upset until later. It was only after she smiled while thanking him, did his heart start racing. One excuse shot down to the dust. The teen felt like ripping his hair out in frustration.

Maron rejected him. So what? Nothing wrong with that. He’d just have to find some other way to stop her from being a Kaitou. Just because he couldn’t be the one to remove the sadness in her eyes didn’t mean a damn thing! Wasn’t his fault she set her standards too high for him. So get the hell over it, Chiaki!

The distressed high schooler sank into a chair. This was not only getting him no where, but completely shaking him to the core. Alright. Start with facts.

Fact: Chiaki was the only one who could see Access, beyond Maron, who wouldn’t believe the little angel anyway. Chiaki was the only one who could help her then. Okay, he was fine with that. He had nothing better to do at the time and it would get him out of that house. Nothing wrong with helping other people on occasion. Actually, that was generally seen as a virtue. Even if he didn’t often go out of his way to do good, it wasn’t all that bad. He didn’t have to see the man who claimed to have loved his mother every day and had made some new friends. All in all, Chiaki was enjoying himself for once.

Who said no good deed goes unpunished, anyway? Aside from this moment and a couple other bumps along the road (mainly because of that girl. Why did everything return back to her?!), he was truly happy. He hadn’t been this happy since... Well, since he started resenting his father. Which was a long time ago. So discounting tonight and any other time Maron got the better of him, meeting Access Time had been an agreeable arrangement. And now that he had met Maron, he couldn’t just leave her there to be betrayed. He _was_ her friend, if nothing more.

Another fact: Chiaki had felt more than slightly guilty about Access’ plan of making her fall in love with him. Perhaps Access thought she’d just forget about it afterward and agree it was for the best. Somehow though, Chiaki had little faith in that outcome. But, as Access had pointed out at the time, he really couldn’t think of a better plan. So this was the one they stuck with. He had made up his mind then and there that _he_ wouldn’t fall in love with her. False affection it would remain. Because he didn’t even want to think of how he’d feel when she started to hate him (inevitable, in the end. Even if it was for her own good, he didn’t expect her to forgive him). It was just best to pretend.

Third fact: Ever since they met, Chiaki has wanted only to see Maron. Here’s where it got tricky. He really couldn’t figure out what had lead to this odd desire, but it was the truth. He’d admit that much. And he didn’t want to see her sad either. He wanted to see her with that brilliant smile of hers; the real kind, not when she was trying to cover her sadness. That was why he left those silly notes in her mailbox each day. Because those sad eyes were almost too painful...

They reminded him too much of the loneliness he had felt after... after she died...

Chiaki couldn’t take it anymore. He needed fresh air. That meant he’d have to chance the balcony, because he really didn’t want to chance someone else seeing him in this state. Especially not Maron, but hopefully she was asleep by now...

He opened the screen door and stepped out onto the balcony quietly. A cool breeze playfully batted his hair about, forcing him to push the dark strands out of his eyes. He looked around quickly and sighed in relief. Good. Maron wasn’t here.

He leaned out on the railing for a few moments, figuring the cool wind would calm him. Unfortunately, the wind seemed to want to do the exact opposite.

The wind brought back her words to his ears. “I... don’t know what ‘love’ is. Nobody told me.” He gasped slightly the next breeze bringing the image of her eyes. “I can’t believe in love. I don’t even know how...” Those eyes... They cut through him like a sharp knife, painful and cold...

The wind accused him mercilessly. He was a coward. He was running away because he didn’t want to get hurt. He was scared that if he did fall in love with her, she would never return his feelings. That he wouldn’t be able to take that sadness out of her eyes... Chiaki gripped the railing and closed his eyes, trying to get the image of her out of his head. Those eyes...

“Sinbad!” Suddenly there was a flutter of wings right next to his head. Access. The little black angel must have gotten back from his rounds of checking for demons. He’d been tormenting himself that long...

“Are you alright?! Sinbad!” Frantic concern dripped from the tiny angel’s voice as the wind died down. It felt like the wind had decided it was done for the night. Even a little apologetic...

Access was sounding more and more frantic. Okay, time to snap out of it... Chiaki made an effort to straighten his shoulders and open his eyes. He even managed a weak smile. “I’m... fine...”

A petit hand pressed against his forehead before he realized what Access was doing. He resisted the urge to shiver. Access had cold hands...

But the black angel seemed even more concerned now. Chiaki began to wonder if it was Access’ hand or his forehead that was the problem. “Sinbad, you’ve got a fever!” Well, that answered his question. “You should be in bed!”

Lovely. Just ducky. He had depressed himself enough to catch a fever. He needed to remember to be less moody. Nothing good ever came of it.

The feverish teen let Access pull him back in the house and toward his bed. “Jeeze... Who’s going to protect Jeanne if you’re sick! Don’t scare me like that!”

Protect her, huh? “Sorry, Access. Didn’t mean to worry you...” Yes, he had to protect her. That was all that mattered, really. Maybe he could ask Access about what to do in the morning but now...

He wasn’t ready to deal with the rest at the moment. Until he was, it was better just not to think about it. Maybe then he could admit to something he didn’t want to believe possible. But not yet. Until then...

It would be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire."  
> -La Rochefoucald


	3. Part Three: Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Much mild cursing. Access goes a little overboard when he starts damning people.  
>  **Character:** Chiaki Nagoya  & Access Time  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, right after the Zen-kun incident.

Access had left Chiaki standing on the balcony in the rain about an hour ago. The little angel had given up on trying to get the kaitou inside. Chiaki didn’t care if he caught a cold. He knew Maron was still wandering out there somewhere. So why should he go in where it was safe and warm?

She was out there wandering all alone and there was nothing he could do about it. She had to hate him by now. After what he did... After what he did... How could she forgive him when he couldn’t even forgive himself? If he had... If he hadn’t have... That boy... He would still be...

He gripped the rail, as though he scared to let go for fear of seeing red prints where his hands had been if he did. Even though there had been no blood spilled, it was still there. The rain wouldn’t wash it away.

The boy had been too far gone. Too much of his heart consumed by the demon. It had to be done. Soon, there would have been nothing left of that boy's soul. The demon would have won, had Chiaki not checkmated. But because he checkmated the painting, Zen was dead...

He was alone now. He let the tears intermingle with the rain. Chiaki didn’t try to stop them. It was better this way. Much better. Better that Zen died as a human. Better that he should feel as his soul was being ripped apart. Better his hands be soiled with blood rather than hers. Better that she hated him now, rather than later, so that he could learn to cope with it...

A small gasp parted his lips as he sank down to the floor. He couldn’t tell what was worse. The fact that she hated him or that he killed that boy. For being from a generation of doctors, he certainly harmed a lot more than he healed. He just effectively killed whatever relationship he might have hoped for with Maron. Killed whatever hopes he had. Killed Zen... All because... of her eyes...

And he couldn’t even tell her why. He couldn’t tell her why she had to stop being a Kaitou. Because that would break her. It would break her and it would be ten times worse than everything else. And if she broke, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen to him... But whether he wanted it or not it would all come pouring down sometime, just like the rain...

He hugged himself, trying to keep what little warmth his body had left. Pulling his knees closer to his chest, sobs racked through his entire body. They were painful and heavy, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop...

The last thing he remembered was a pair of arms picking him up before blissful blackness claimed him.

* * *

Access Time spent the better part of the hour trying to come up with a way to get Sinbad inside. He was tired, but if he didn’t do _something_ Sinbad would kill himself out there in the rain. Besides, his emotional drainage was nothing in comparison to Sinbad’s. Sinbad was coping with the present. Access had only retold the past...

This isn’t helping.

Come on, he could do this. Okay, picture of Jeanne in her non-kaitou form is probably the last thing he wants to see right now. Um, no gratin in the refrigerator (As if Sinbad would ever leave any to be put away...). Maybe if the phone started ringing? But how was he going to make it do that? Heck, he couldn’t even lift the phone! _Think_ , Access! He couldn’t fail Sinbad now! He couldn’t fail to protect the human, like he had Fin-chan. He would never be able to forgive a double failure...

Think, damn it!!!

He was making absolutely no progress. Sinbad was going to catch a cold or worse standing out there in the rain and Access couldn’t think of anyway to stop it. How the hell was he supposed to save Fin Fish if he couldn’t even convince one human to stop being an idiot and come out of the rain! He couldn’t even... help...

Access pinched himself, hard. “I-ch-ch-ch...” That hurt... But he should know better than to start down that train of thought. There had to be something he could do. _Never_ lose hope. If he did that, then there really wasn’t any. Besides, what was it that the TV show Sinbad was watching said? Oh, yeah. ‘Faith manages.’

That didn’t make his mind work any better however. He still couldn’t come up with a plan. Hell, if he’d been good at making plans, he’d have though of a better way of saving Fin- chan than to make Sinbad go through this...

So what? He wasn’t good at making plans. He could at least go back out side and yell at Sinbad at the top of his lungs. He could stay out there as long as Sinbad could and maybe make the human feel guilty about it by sneezing a few times. And maybe the kid was ready to listen to reason. There was nothing wrong with Access’ voice, so he still might be able to talk... Sinbad... around...

Why didn’t he think of that earlier!?!? Of course if Sinbad heard Jeanne’s voice screaming for help, he’d come running! Access could mimic Jeanne voice and... er, no. That wouldn’t work. After a few tries at her voice, Access realized he wouldn’t be able to fool Sinbad. Okay, but Jeanne in trouble was still an idea to work with! He could say... That the teacher-guy had her! Sinbad would get jealous and come inside immediately then! Now, time to get that mule- headed human out of the rain!

Access took a deep breath, then started yelling at the top of his lungs. “Sinbad!!” He cried, flying out to the balcony as fast as he could. He had to make this believable. “Sinbad, that teacher, Shikaidou-sensei! He’s got-”

The black angel’s eyes widened when he saw the boy. This was much worse than he could have imagined. Damn, why did he leave Sinbad in the first place!!

Sinbad was curled up on the terrace, rain striking his body as it shook with silent sobs. Access should _never_ have left him alone that long. He should have tried convincing the boy more before. At least kept him company so that Sinbad wouldn’t have gotten this bad...

Because Access had gone, Sinbad had lost his grip. In the presence of others, Sinbad would hold on. He was like Jeanne in that respect, never wanting others to know when he felt bad. But Access had left and now...

And now he shouldn't just stand there! Get moving!

“Sinbad!! Sinbad, come on!” Access tried everything. Kicking, screaming, biting, even though it was raining so hard he could barely fly. But nothing was getting through. It was like Sinbad couldn’t even sense Access anymore. “Sinbad, please!!”

This was useless. He was too small. He couldn’t do anything for Sinbad. There was no one who could see or hear him either. “Please, Sinbad, get up... God... Someone... please help...”

The wind blew.

There was a soft ‘poof’ and suddenly Access was human sized. The angel stood there in shock. He was... No, not a pure angel. A glance back at his wings told them they were still black. God did something then...

The wind blew again, urgently. Alright, he got it. Whatever it was God had done, it was only temporary. He could think about this later. Right now he had to get moving!

The rain had long since plastered his hair to his face. He quickly blushed it aside as he kneeled down next to his friend. Well, the kid probably wouldn’t hear him, but might as well try. “Sinbad... Sinbad, it’s me, Access Time. I’m going to take you inside now.”

No response. The angel really hadn’t expected any by this point, but it was worth a shot. Sighing softly, he gently scooped the boy up in his arms. Thankfully, Sinbad chose that moment to finally pass out. Access didn’t know how well he’d be able to hold on if the kid tried to fight. He quickly went back inside, instantly feeling the difference with the lack of wind. He wouldn’t be able to hold this form long on his own...

But he hesitated before putting Sinbad in bed. The human was soaked to the bone... And he wasn’t getting any lighter either.

Damn it all...

Access put Sinbad in one of the more comfortable chairs in the apartment before setting off to search for a set of dry clothes. He cursed softly as he went. Damn Sinbad for being so stubborn. One sock. Damn himself for not thinking ahead and getting clothes before this (regardless of how he would have known, but still). Clean pants (he didn’t care if they weren’t for sleeping in). Damn the weather for deciding to rain so hard (though cursing the person who had given him this power probably wasn’t a good idea...). Fresh shirt. Damn himself again for not being able to help with anything. A different sock from the first one, but he was far past the point of caring if Sinbad’s socks matched. Damn Sinbad again for not keeping his clothes neat. Finally, a pair of boxers.

Access was beginning to feel the affects of staying in this form. His movements were getting sluggish and it was all he could do to stay awake... The angel shook his head to keep concentrated. He had to hurry.

To keep him mind off his growing weariness, he continued to curse while changing Sinbad into the dry clothes. Damn Noin for using that child to torment Jeanne (too bad the man was already damned for all eternity...). Damn himself yet again for dragging Sinbad into this. Damn the circumstances for forcing the angel to tell Sinbad the truth. While he was at it, he might as well damn himself a hundred times more for not being able to save Fin-chan in the first place. Hell, maybe a couple more and he could join her...

He was startled when a drop of water fell on his hand. That wasn’t from his rain drench clothes. So what... He was... crying?

The black angel didn’t have the strength left to try and contain the tears, so he instead focused on dragging Sinbad to the bed. It was all his fault. He should have studied harder before in Heaven. Then he could have helped Fin-chan, protected her. Defended her against the demons. Then Jeanne and Sinbad could have been normal teenagers and wouldn’t have to be so torn up on the inside... Then Fin-chan would still be...

No sooner had Access barely pushed Sinbad onto the bed was there another soft ‘poof.’ He was small again. But he couldn’t go to sleep yet. Still something he had... What was it again? Covers. Sinbad needed covers or he would freeze to death. The blankets weighted a ton, but Access somehow got them to cover the sleeping Sinbad.

He collapsed, exhausted, on the pillow next to his friend’s head. Slowly, the angel crawled until he was nestled on Sinbad’s shoulder, tiny arms hugging the boy’s neck and tears still streaming down his face. He should have kept the secret a little longer. Should have found another way... “I’m sorry, Sinbad. S-Sorry for dragging you into this... I-I’m so sorry... Chiaki...”

Because some things were better left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "No one but Night, with tears on her dark face,  
> Watches beside me in this windy place."  
> -Edna St. Vincent Millay (I know I've used this one before, but I've always liked Edna St. Vincent Millay...)


	4. Part Four: Cookie Jar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Beware the suguar cookies. Oh, and the puns. I think I may have a bit too much fun with this one...  
>  **Character:** Access Time  
>  **Time Line:** Anime time line, after Chiaki admits to Maron he knew she was Jeanne from the beginning.

Access Time had been trying, completely unsuccessfully, to start a conversation with Sinbad for the past thirty minutes. The kaitou seemed very unwilling. In fact, Access was getting the distinct feeling that his presence wasn’t terribly wanted at the moment.

This was not going to put the little black angel off, however. If comments about the weather weren’t going to drag a conversation out of the angsty teen, Access would have to go straight to the heart of the matter.

The only problem was this: How does one broach the subject of ‘The object of your affection hates your guts and wants you to drop off the face of the planet?’ Well, it ain’t as easy as it sounds. Despite having known how Sinbad felt, oh-too-well, that didn’t make the topic easier to approach.

It didn’t help that this was all sort of his fault. Access had hoped from the start that Sinbad would actually fall for Jeanne, for his own selfish reasons of course. He didn’t want to feel guilty. Great angel he was, using Sinbad just to save Fin-chan. Actually, it could even be argued that the Access only wanted Sinbad to fall in love with Jeanne so that someone else would feel the same way he did.

Access preferred not to think that was the case. He hoped not, at least.

Okay, one depressing person too many in this apartment. Time to stop being depressed! Sinbad’s mood was beginning to affect him too much. A sign that Access was taking far too long in cheering the kid up. Okay, fail once, try, try again... “Sinbad-”

“Go away, Access.” Fifth time he’s said that. The angel tried to keep his feathers from getting too ruffled, but all this moodiness was really starting to get to him. Sure, Sinbad had a right to be depressed, considering Jeanne had hurt the angel’s human friend really badly this time. It was the other way around too, but that wasn’t completely his fault. It had been Access’ idea to have Jeanne fall in love with Sinbad...

Think positively, Access! Sinbad certainly wasn’t, so it’s his job as a black angel to do so for the human. So he should just get this over with. “Look, you knew this would happen eventually.”

The little angel was taken aback the venom in the glare that was thrown his way. “Just leave me alone.”

Access was sure his mouth hung open for a few moments before he could gather his wits. But after that his feathers were _really_ ruffled. Literally. “Okay, I know she said she hates you and that she can’t trust anyone anymore, but-”

This seemed to be the last straw for Sinbad too. Good. Being angry was better than being depressed. Not much, but it said Sinbad wasn’t so depressed that he wouldn’t respond to anything. But even Access wasn’t prepared for the words that mistakenly flew out of Sinbad’s mouth.

“What do you know!?” The human’s eyes were full of fury. “Damn it, Access! How do you know how I feel?”

The tiny angel felt a pricking sensations in his eyes. He closed them quickly and balled his fists. “Stupid Sinbad!” he yelled, kicking the surprised human ineffectively in the arm. He flew into the apartment without a backward glance.

There were some good things about being so tiny. It meant he could hide in the big ceramic cookie jar, which was what he made a bee line for. If Sinbad was going to be mean, then the angel was going to eat his cookies.

He wasn’t stupid enough to get trapped inside the huge jar, so he pulled the lid half off and left it there. Fortunately, Sinbad didn’t seem to be in a rush after Access either, because it took him a little while to move the big ceramic lid. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve before diving in.

Stupid Sinbad. Of course the angel knew what he was going through. Fin-chan had said the same words to him often enough. She’d even called him the Devil’s advocate. He started munching on the cookies, not really caring that they were his favorite kind of sugar cookie. Stupid Sinbad...

After about ten minutes of this train of thought, Access hears a tentative voice call out his name. “Access? Are you there?” Nope. Not gonna answer. He continued to eat his third sugar cookie. “I’m... I wasn’t thinking straight before. Access? I didn’t mean...” Not gonna say a word. No chance. “I’m sorry for saying that, Access. I forgot about Fin.” Yeah, no kidding. Still no response though. He wasn’t ready to forgive Sinbad yet. “Access... Where are you?”

Okay, the plaintive note in the boy’s voice was beginning to rub on his conscience. No! Access was not going to answer no matter what! He’d made up his mind. He took another bite out of the cookie.

“Please don’t hate me now too, Access...” Damn it. “Please answer me...” Alright, alright... Angels aren’t supposed to hold grudges anyway.

He put the sugar cookie he’d been eating down and prepared to launch himself out of the cookie jar. It wouldn’t do to have Sinbad find him here.

Unfortunately for Access, it would have to do. Just as he was getting up, he tripped on a cookie and fell into the side of the jar. His body weight wasn’t enough to tip the jar over completely, but it did hit the wall before righting itself. Which hit the lid, of course. Naturally, instead of flying off like normal things would, the lid instead closed completely. Leaving Access trapped. Guess he _was_ that stupid after all. Great.

“Sinbad!!” He cried as loud as he could while trying to tip the jar over. “Sinbad, get me outta here!!” It was working! Tipping, tipping-ack! Falling!! He was nearly knocked out by the impact, but managed to keep the cookies from hitting his head.

Well, that was brilliant. And it didn’t even crack the jar. What the hell is up with that?! The counter is far enough from the floor that this sucker should have been in shambles. Then again, that probably wouldn’t be good for Access either... He could just see the headlines now. BLACK ANGEL KILLED BY COOKIE JAR. Yeah. Getting stabbed to death by pointy pieces of a cookie jar. Probably a very good thing.

“Sinbad!!!” he yelled, pushing up against the top of the jar. “Let me out of here!” Please let Sinbad have heard the crash. Please, please, please- “Sinbad!!” Nothing. No response.

Suddenly, the jar was moving. “Wahhhhh!!” Once again, Access became well acquainted with the wall of the cookie jar. He was beginning to ache all over. By the time this was over, he would _really_ be a black angel. Black and blue.

Sinbad _finally_ opened the cookie jar, light once again reflecting off the ceramic walls. Freedom! “Acce-” In his rush to get out of that damned jar, Access didn’t see Chiaki peering over the top. The boy nearly dropped the cookie jar in surprise, and Access only just barely managed to avoid a head on collision.

“Stupid cookie jar!!!” He glared at it, as if the jar would crumble under his gaze. He hoped it would! Served it right!

Sinbad seemed to be in a bit of shock. But after the boy got over it, he _also_ warranted the little angel’s glare. Sinbad was _laughing_. Oh, yes. What a _great_ way to show regret for past actions. Laughing. “Sin~bad! It’s not funny! Stop laughing!!”

“I’m sorry...” The audacious teen finally managed after several moments of rolling on the floor. Honestly. Laughing so hard that Sinbad had to wipe the tears from his eyes. How rude. See if _he_ tries to make Sinbad feel better next time. Fat chance!

Stifling the last of the laughter, Sinbad put the offending cookie jar back on the counter. “I’m sorry, Access. Just seeing you glare at the jar like that when I thought you’d...” Slight pause. Once again, Access felt a little guilty about waiting quite so long to answer. “I... well, I’m really sorry. About before, I mean. I wasn’t thinking.”

The tiny angel puffed himself up a bit. “You should be!” Okay, that didn’t help. Sinbad looked away. It did make Access feel just a little better though. It’s not like Sinbad didn’t deserve at least a _little_ guilt there. “Alright, alright. You can make up to me by making me hot cakes!” There. Apologies made and accepted. With terms, of course, but still. This was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Sinbad raised an eyebrow. “How can you still be hungry after all those sugar cookies?”

“Heh...” Access laughed nervously. “Well, make them later or something!”

“For breakfast then.” The boy gave Access a weak smile, which the angel returned whole heartedly. “Thanks, Access...” The small angel just landed on the boy’s shoulder and started complaining loudly about how much he hurt. Stupid cookie jar...

Though he was much worse for the ware because of it, he was glad he hadn’t actually flown off now. He was so childish sometimes... Small wonder he was still a black angel. Besides, if he had flown off, then Sinbad would have tormented himself more (that kid had some major self-guilt issues). And Sinbad _was_ helping him save Fin-chan. If he had...

Some things... Some things should never be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."  
> -Cherie Carter-Scott


	5. Part Five: Father's Pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Sappy stuff.  
>  **Character:** Kaiki Nagoya  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, when Maron is in the past.

Kaiki watched over his son as intently as the boy watched over Maron. She slept on peacefully, oblivious to Chiaki’s heartbroken calls. Checking his watch, he walked over and placed a hand on his son’s shoulder as an attempt at reassurance. It didn’t seem to have much affect, however. Chiaki’s eyes never left Maron’s prone form.

Truthfully, Kaiki had never been happier. Not since... her death...

The doctor had no fear for Maron would waking up. She was a kind girl. Far too kind to leave Chiaki behind like this. While his medical knowledge said there was a good chance that she would never wake up again, something told him this girl only needed a small percentage to make a miracle happen. Because Maron was special.

She’d have to be. She was such a brilliant kaitou, after all.

He was never quite sure how he knew that. But ever since that time where his memory became fuzzy, if not completely blank, her name and Jeanne’s became synonymous. Someday, he needed to remember to thank her properly for that. He was sure that it was Maron at that time, who caused Chiaki to start to open up to his father again.

The only explanation he had for that time was that he had been possessed. As un-medical as that sounds, it was the only logical conclusion he could come to. And he knew, without question, that he had done something to Chiaki. He was too afraid to dig through those clouded memories to find out what.

Jeanne had somehow, well, dispossessed him though. She also talked Chiaki into speaking with Kaiki afterward. For that, he would forever be in Maron’s debt.

Someday he’d have to ask Chiaki for the whole story. Yes, he knew about Chiaki’s alter ego now too. It was impossible not to have recognized his own son, even as a kaitou. Kaiki must be getting in the habit of thinking unprofessionally, for he also knew that those two were being aided by some kind of higher being. And their battles were far from the old black and white moves about good and evil. There was too much grey in-between. He was only sorry there was nothing he could do to help them through this.

Toudaiji-kun and Minazuki-kun were both asleep on the near by bench. A small smile graced his lips. They were oblivious to the chemistry between them because of small doses of unrequited love. Kaiki had the feeling that would change soon, however.

He nearly started whistling, but stopped himself. Probably wasn’t the most appropriate thing to do. No, Kaiki was pretty sure it wasn’t. But he was really happy. Truly euphoric. Which was only damped by the fact that Chiaki was rather upset...

Soon Maron would wake up. Chiaki would be fine then. Then he could whistle. He really shouldn’t be happy about this... But because Maron was in a coma, Kaiki had learned of two very important things.

The first was that his son had found someone he loved deeply. Chiaki was truly in love with Maron. Someday (hopefully soon), when whatever they were fighting for is finished, they would be happy. She would give his son complete happiness, which is every parent’s dream.

It did make him a little sad as well, because it was then he knew Chiaki would never come back home. But that didn’t matter anymore. Because that was the second thing Kaiki realized. Chiaki was willing to let his father support him. His son was letting Kaiki back into his life, at least a little.

He had realized both of these facts the moment Chiaki had asked him to save Maron. When Chiaki’s forehead touched his shoulder, his son had been making every effort not to cry. For Kaiki, it had been one of the happiest moments of his life.

It was also then that he knew he didn’t have to worry about Maron. If there was any chance at all, Maron would never leave this broken form of his son behind. Just like... Well, the circumstances were much different from that time. Maron had a chance, whereas it had only been a matter of time then...

Another reason he shouldn’t be this happy right now. Kaiki should be able to empathize far too well with what his son was going through. Unfortunately, Chiaki knew too much about the family business to believe any kind of reassurance his father could give. Unless... Unless...

A quick glance at Toudaiji-kun and Minazuki-kun told him they were still asleep. They wouldn’t hear if he... Besides, this would assure him an explanation at a later date. Chiaki would definitely want to know _how_ his father had found out...

He walked back over to Chiaki and put a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder again. “She’ll wake up.” No response. Kaiki added very nonchalantly, “A kaitou wouldn’t die from something like this.”

Kaiki got a great deal of pleasure in watching his son’s eyes go round.

“Wh-what are you s-saying?” Under normal circumstances, Kaiki would have shot through that pathetic attempt to cover. He refrained his urge to torment his son this time though. Chiaki was going through enough at the moment. His son continued on, unaware of the parental dilemma. “Maron’s not a... She’s not Jeanne...”

“Sh...” Oh, good. Still asleep. But Chiaki does need to lower his voice just a bit. “You’ll wake Toudaiji-kun and Minazuki-kun.” His son was startled. Probably forgot a world existed outside of Maron. He tore his eyes from the girl for a brief second to confirm this. “I made sure before I said anything.”

“How did you...”

Kaiki smiled gently. “Later.” Chiaki shook his head in disbelief, earning the boy a small grin from his father. “Then maybe you can tell me the full story. For now however...” He reaffirmed the pressure he was putting on his son’s shoulder. “Believe in her. Just keep calling her and she’ll wake up again.”

Troubled blue eyes met identical warm and understanding ones. Chiaki turned his attention back to Maron, calling to her softly. Kaiki gave his shoulder one last gentle squeeze before checking his watch. As much as he’d like to stay, he did have a hospital to run...

He checked the instruments monitoring Maron one more time before leaving. Faith though he may have in the girl, chances he would not take. He would lose two very important persons then. And he would stay close by, within hearing distance. Not even Kagura could object to that, as long as work was still getting done...

Someday, he would have to tell Chiaki just how proud he was of his only son. He was growing into a fine young man and would be a great doctor. Now was not the time, however. For now, he would just continue to watch his son grow and cling to the relationship they never really had just a little longer. So until then... Until then...

It would be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers."  
> -David Assael


	6. Part Six: Unconditional Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Hm... For once, I can't think of anything to warn you about... except perhaps spoilers...  
>  **Character:** Toudaiji Miyako  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, just after Maron checkmated the painting that belonged to Miyako's brother.

Toudaiji Miyako was crying.

It was true. All true. All of her suspicions and fears. All confirmed with one question. “ _If... If I really was your childhood friend, what would you do?_ ” Miyako would cry. Yes, Toudaiji Miyako was crying.

Didn’t Maron realize how much she had given away? Going on and on about her brother like that. Coming as Maron tonight, instead of Jeanne. Then asking that question... She hadn’t wanted to believe it. She had denied it until now, denied it so hard she could almost believe it. But now... That little voice in her head was speaking to loudly to be ignored or denied, now.

She couldn’t deny it anymore. Maron had unconsciously given herself away, even after Miyako’s warning. She didn’t want proof. She just wanted... Just wanted...

What did she want, truly? She had wanted to protect Maron. To catch Jeanne and prove her innocence. Because Maron had done the same for her. She wanted to pay Maron back for that time. She wanted to see Maron smile again and be happy. She wanted Maron to talk to Miyako about her parents and problems with Chiaki. She wanted...

Chiaki...

Miyako bit back another sob. That hurt too. There was nothing worse than unrequited love. Besides, what kind of a kaitou would fall in love with a policeman’s daughter? It was all well and fine in movies and books, but real life was different. A thief would naturally fall in love with another thief and the policeman’s daughter would always be left standing alone in the end.

That wasn’t fair to Maron. Miyako knew that. Maron was always there. She always tried to make sure Miyako was out of sight when Chiaki tried hitting on her. She always pushed him away in front of Miyako, so her friend wouldn’t have to see. She knew that. But she also knew that when she wasn’t looking Maron let his advances come, probably even returned them. When Toudaiji Miyako’s back was turned, Kusakabe Maron was in love with Chiaki.

It was funny. The two people closest to her were thieves. Had she known better, Miyako would have thought it was all planned to happen that way. But she had been friends with Maron too long for that. And if that were the case, wouldn’t Chiaki have tried to woo her, instead of politely pushing her away each time? Which was worse, anyway? The false affection or the polite wall?

Now she wasn’t being fair to either of them.

She didn’t understand. Why were they thieves? Why send notices and replace the stolen painting with that of an angel? Why did people who were like her brother turn cold and hard, only to return to their normal selves after the painting was stolen? Why...

There was nothing she could do either. Maron would never open up to her about this. It was as simple as that. Kusakabe Maron didn’t want to hurt Toudaiji Miyako any more than Toudaiji Miyako wanted to hurt Kusakabe Maron. Maron knew it would hurt Miyako to come clean. And it did hurt. A lot. Almost as much as knowing there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop these events or help Maron.

It was all clear to Miyako after tonight. First Jeanne knowing so much about her brother, then Maron showing up as Jeanne (Why was that? Had something happened to Maron so that she couldn’t transform?), then finally, the question Jeanne asked before she left. The question spoken so hesitantly that it could be no one else. The evidence was all right there in front of her. In fact, wasn’t that why she had built weaknesses into her last several ‘specials’? What her heart wouldn’t accept, her mind would.

She was so stupid sometimes. Too stubborn, too pig-headed to admit what was right in front of her eyes the whole time. And now she had probably made her best friend feel guilty about whatever it was she was doing. What was she thinking when she said those things to Maron? Just because it was truth that she would cry... was crying... didn’t mean Maron had to know that.

As Jeanne, Maron was saving people from... whatever it was. Jeanne and Sinbad seemed to be the only ones with this ability. Some friend she was, making Maron feel guilty about what was probably the right thing to do.

She had probably wanted to hurt Maron, just like Maron was hurting her. Except Miyako didn’t have the excuse of saving the world like Maron did. No, Miyako was hurting her best friend for her own selfish reasons. Some friend, indeed.

On the other hand, Maron was a perfect friend. Even though she was practically betraying her best friend. Obviously, whatever it was might infect Miyako as well. So in a way, Maron was still protecting her. Maron was probably even denying her love for Chiaki for Miyako’s sake. She’d come to help tonight, hadn’t she? Even when there was something wrong and she couldn’t transform like normal. Was probably nearly killed because of it. Maron was such a good friend to the point of stupidity.

And what did Miyako give her in return? Harsh remarks and guilt trips. She couldn’t prove Maron’s innocence. She couldn’t help Maron through any of this. She couldn’t even give up on Chiaki. She was pathetic...

“Toudaiji-saaaaan! Where are you?” Iinchou? She hadn’t told him about the notice because she was going to help Jeanne. She quickly dried her eyes, though she knew it wouldn’t help. She had been crying for too long not to have signs of the recent tears. “Toudai-Oh! What are you doing out here?”

Not yet! She was still crying! “Why didn’t you tell me about the notice?” ‘Cause she didn’t care that Minazuki would be annoyed. Would he just go away? “When I came over to help you with your homework, your mom told me about it!” Oh. She had forgotten about the homework session... “Was Sinbad there?”

Miyako nodded. She couldn’t trust her voice right now. She couldn’t face him either. She couldn’t let Minazuki see her tears.

Of course Chiaki had been there. Though it seemed like he couldn’t transform either. He was worse than Maron at hiding that fact. Not once did he ask why Toudaiji Miyako was trying to help Jeanne instead of capturing her. But naturally he was there. He had to help Maron. And Maron had probably asked him to take care of her after she managed to transform...

There was an awkward silence for a moment before Minazuki broke it. “Toudaiji-san? Are you alright?” No reply. “Toudaiji-san?” She wouldn’t reply. She wouldn’t face him. Not like this. Not like-

She felt his hand on her arm turn her to face him. He did it too quickly for her to stop him. She saw the shocked expression on his face, once he realized she was crying. She looked away.

“Please, just go away,” Miyako said softly, breaking the contact between them. She turned her back to him again, hoping with all her might that he would do as she said.

“If you want to talk about-”

“I don’t want to talk.” She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t tell anybody. Not Maron. Not Chiaki. Not her parents. Certainly not Minazuki.

He would give up soon. Minazuki always did. He just needed a few words of encouragement. “Go away,” she repeated, more forcefully this time.

But instead of going away, his foot steps moved closer. She looked over to see him standing next to her, politely averting his eyes from her tears. “I told you go away!” What was up with him right now anyway?

“Well, um... They say that misery loves company?” He left the statement open and prepared himself for her wrath. When nothing came at him, he glanced over at her, surprised. Why would Minazuki try so hard to cheer her up, anyway?

“It’s not meant like that, stupid.” Focusing on the conversation and Minazuki _did_ seem to help her control herself, however. For that reason and that reason alone, she went easy on him. And he was trying to cheer her up...

“That’s so mean... And it _can_ be used like that...”

“I said it can’t and that’s final!” she yelled, storming off. Miyako could hear him calling out after her, but she ignored him. Just because she had managed to conquer her tears because of Minazuki, didn’t mean she’d let _him_ know that.

For now her thanks, as well as her problems... they could be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."  
> -Charles M. Schulz


	7. Part Seven: Laughing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** Lots of angst... Poor little guy. And I'm not really sure I like this one very much, but meh.  
>  **Character:** Chiaki Nagoya  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, while Chiaki has been taken hostage by Maou-sama.

The Devil was laughing at him.

Chiaki deserved far more than a little laughter aimed at him, but it was still a painful reminder. Did he really expect differently? He was in Hell, after all. Why shouldn’t the Devil laugh and mock him? Why shouldn’t the Devil take pleasure in his misery? Why shouldn’t every one of the Devil’s taunts strike home so hard it hurt Chiaki to the core?

The Devil spoke constantly of his plans. How he had the perfect opponent for Maron. One not even she stood a chance against. And she was going to have to fight the Devil’s choice or Chiaki would lose his life. And Maron... Maron would just walk into the Devil’s trap.

There was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Not one thing. He couldn’t escape. Even if he did somehow manage to get out of these bindings, Chiaki would still be in Hell. He doubted he could get back to earth on with his own power. Some protector he was...

He couldn’t even protect Maron with his own power. He’d always had help from Access. Of course there was no way he could get back to the earth. Who was he kidding? All he could do was sit around as bait and watch the girl he loved walk straight into a trap. All the while the Devil laughed...

That wasn’t the only thing the Devil spoke of either. Oh, no. Chiaki heard all about what he had done while under the demon’s influence. Him, under a demon’s influence. So much for protecting Maron. He couldn’t even control his own body when it had mattered.

He didn’t know what was worse. The fact that he had betrayed her, or the fact that she just accepted it calmly. Like he truly meant nothing to her. Just a friend, nothing more. The Devil said she just smiled when she found out he was supposedly being serious.

Maron...

The laughter only got louder.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. It’s all hilarious. Heck, he’d laugh too if it didn’t hurt so much. Not only had he betrayed her, but he was the bait for the trap. And wasn’t it his mission to protect her? All it seemed like he did was hurt her more. Absolutely hysterical.

Access should have found someone else to do it. Someone better suited for this job. Someone Maron might have actually loved back. Someone who was actually strong enough to protect Maron with their own powers, instead of relying on someone else’s. It wasn’t worth it...

It wasn’t... worth...

Even if it meant he’d still be running away from his father? Still hate him like he used to? Maron had done that, brought him an understanding of his father. Because of her, he knew his father’s true feelings.

Maron wasn’t the only one who was weak. Chiaki was weak too. Even more so than she. Maron had become his strength. His reason to move forward. To protect her. If she died... Chiaki would was well.

Yet all she seemed to do was protect him. Protected him from the pain of seeing a bandage on her hand where he hurt her. Protected him from making the mistake of heating his father for the rest of his life. Protected him from heart break by not pushing him away...

And how many times had he hurt her? Far too many times to count. Her hand had been the least of it. In comparison to what he did afterward, he might as well have been the Devil’s advocate. Why bother going over the list of things he had done to her?

He was pathetic. Really pathetic. Even more so because it was all he could do. He could only hurt her more. Especially right now, when all he could do was sit here in self-loathing while he waited for her to rescue him. Walking straight into a trap and making the worst mistake of her life.

No, it wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

What was he thinking, when he agreed to help Access? He couldn’t even face his own father back then, he was that weak. Yet here he thought he could protect some girl and make her stop being a Kaitou. Protect her from demons he couldn’t even resist.

He was probably too weak for even the demons to want. Hadn’t gone after him at all. Instead he was just manipulated by them. And only because Miyako had liked him, at that. No, not even the demons wanted him. Maybe that was why Access chose him. Wasn’t a target for the enemy. Couldn’t God have just found a better protector? He _was_ God, after all.

None of this was helping Maron at all...

The laughter went on, no matter how much Chiaki tried to shut it out. A constant, constant reminder of his failures. Fine. Then look at the bright side. Maybe the only way to convince Maron not to walk into this trap was to have betrayed her like he did before. It was his only hope at this point. Maybe she’d still be angry enough that she’d agree to Chiaki’s pleadings. He doubted it though.

But... did he want that? How could he survive, knowing Maron’s lack of caring would leave him in the Devil’s clutches? Now _that_ was funny. Of course he wouldn’t survive. The Devil would kill him and finally end this miserable existence. He’d be dead and Maron could go on with her life.

But he could only fool himself for so long with those thoughts. Of course Maron would never actually do that. Whether she loved him or not, she’d still stupidly throw her life away. Even if he knew that she could live perfectly fine with out him around. It was a lose/lose situation for Chiaki.

If she died, Chiaki would too... He couldn’t... live... without her.

The Devil’s laughter grew louder as he saw the boy shiver. This time, however, Chiaki’s response was different. He grew angry with the Devil. He wasn’t going to give the Devil that kind of satisfaction. He’d made up his mind. That was what the Devil wanted, his despair. Well, he wasn’t going to get it! Chiaki refused to let the pricking sensation in his eyes take him over. Even if this was all his fault...

The laughter only increased. As if the Devil were laughing at an unruly child. Chiaki knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. His own thoughts would be the end of him at this rate. Were they really his own, or what the Devil implanted into his mind? He couldn’t tell anymore, which was which. Not like it mattered. Either way lead to the same end.

But the laughter suddenly stopped, leaving Chiaki’s ears ringing with the following blessed silence. He let out the breath he had been holding, just now aware he had been holding it. His heavy breathing was the only sound to be heard in the dark hall.

What was going on?

‘ _Prepare yourself, mortal_ ’

Prepare? For what?

‘ _You will soon be brought before Eve. Prepare yourself._ ’

Eve? Did he mean Maron? That was the image he got with the thought, at least. The Devil was giving him time to... But wouldn’t the Devil want him looking upset? It would push Maron into accepting the challenge, right? Why this sudden kindness?

The silence remained. The Devil was either refusing to respond or had no answer for him. Chiaki decided to leave that thought for another time and take advantage of the chance the Devil was giving him.

If Maron found out what had passed here... She’d blame herself. He resolved not to tell her anything. To say he didn’t remember it. If he even had the chance to speak with her again...

‘ _If she accepts, you will have time._ ’

Once again, Chiaki was startled by the unexpected kindness. The thought wasn’t carrying tones of defeat, but that the Devil would give them one last night together. One last time... Why? Why would he...

‘ _Prepare yourself_ ,’ the command was repeated.

Alright. Prepare he would. Though he couldn’t move his hands to wipe away the sweat, at least he wouldn’t be nearly in tears when he saw Maron. And he would never speak of this to her. Never. But he would yell at her for walking into such an obvious trap.

Everything else could be... It would be left unspoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can."  
> -Elsa Maxwell


	8. Part Eight: Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.  
>  **Warnings:** It's short, but hey, it was written as a joke. XD  
>  **Character:** Chiaki Nagoya  
>  **Time Line:** Manga time line, at the end.

She’s back! She’s back! She’s back! “Mar-” but when he went to embrace her, she wasn’t there.

“Where is Access... I mean, Shinji?” Chiaki heard as he struggled to keep his balance. The counter balance he had expected to be there was unexpectedly... not. What the hell did Maron want Access for? First not waiting for him to pick her up at the hospital, now this...

Whatever it was, it had Maron excited. He moved back to stand by Minazuki as Miyako confirmed her son’s presence. Why _did_ Maron want to the angel’s reincarnation before Chiaki? There was just something not right about that...

“What’s up? Does the baby want to see me?” Oh, gee. Thanks, Access. And who was the father here?! He would have turned away to sulk had not Maron’s swift affirmative caught them both off guard. She was up to something... “Yes? But I saw her once before...”

Definitely up to something. She seemed far too happy, even for being a new mother. Or maybe he was just being a little jealous that something other than him could make her smile like that... Once again, what the hell did she want Access for?

She bent down so the angel’s reincarnation could see, and held out his daughter... _his_ daughter, mind, for Access to see. He was about to grumble about the unfairness of it all when she spoke her mind finally. “She’s had her right hand in a fist the whole time and she wouldn’t open it. And I was wondering why...” Wha? “Look! Look! See?”

There was a short silence as Access- he really needed to start calling the kid Shinji... -saw whatever it was Maron wanted him to see. By this point, Chiaki was burning with curiosity. There was method to his wife’s- wife! She had actually consented and didn’t back out at the last second! She was his, finally! Only his! And yet Access was still getting more attention at the moment... Um, original train of thought... Oh, yes. Method to her madness, it seemed. For it certainly had to be madness. Why she was showering Access with attention and not her attractive husband was- “A black earring?”

Oh.

“F-Fin?” Okay, he could forgive Access for stealing her attention this once. Just this once though.

And Maron too, for being this happy even though Chiaki was apparently out of the picture for the moment. “Well, her name is Natsuki,” she said, blushing slightly. So beautiful... But he wasn’t so beholden by her beauty to miss his old friend’s tears. He was happy for Access. Now they could finally all be together. Maron wouldn’t cry anymore at night. She didn’t have to feel guilty anymore. Everything would finally be al-

“I love you, Natsuki! Marry me!”

Chiaki’s jaw dropped. “Oy! Why are you proposing now!?” Miyako yelled from beside him. Maron just stood there happily. Alright, last straw. He had even forgiven Access about before, but this was too much.

“Access...”

“Yes, Sinbad?”

Access was hugging _his_ daughter happily, and he had the _nerve_ to use that old nickname... “You know you’re holding _my_ daughter...”

“Yup!”

It was all he could do not to smack the four year old then and there. “Ya know... Some things are better left unspoken until you’re older...”

“Whatever you say!”

Chiaki just gave up. There was no winning here... And he had the feeling he’d be hearing a lot more of Access’ declarations of love before they were of legal age...

Sighing, Chiaki did the one thing left he could. He put his arm around Maron’s shoulder and kissed her cheek, startling her slightly. The smile she returned the small show of affection nearly made his heart stop. “I love you,” she said softly, making his faltering heart race again.

Then again, some things really shouldn’t be left unspoken...

~Fin~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote of the Chapter:
> 
> "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."  
> -Friedrich Nietzsche


End file.
